Defining Failure
What do Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein and Katie Perry have in common?
Failure.
It seems that perfectionists, drivers, and extremely organized types tend to avoid this word like the plague. Do it right the first time, you might be thinking. But that seems boring, and to be honest, not always realistic.
If failure meant the end of trying, then Lincoln would have never have issued the Emancipation Proclamation to free slaves; Einstein would have never found the theory of relativity and Katie would still be singing karaoke.
What if we could redefine failure as a catalyst for change? Rather than see it as our nemesis, we learn to see it as a teacher (though possibly a teacher most of us despise and never want to meet). Like my 6th grade teacher, a former nun, who required us to use manners and finish our “yeahs” with “yes,” instead. She was a tough teacher, and scary – over 6 feet tall – but she ended up being my favorite and most memorable teacher in my younger days. When I picture failure, it is like picturing my 6th grade teacher. It grows easier to handle over time.
The failures in our life are often the greatest shapers of who we are, showing us what not to do, what to do the next time, and more importantly, what we are made of. A mentor of mine always said, “It’s not always what you do, but what you do after what you did, that can matter most.” The truth is that so many of us are trying to appear perfect, or simply be perfect, striving for something unattainable. Failing is a part of the human condition and is not something to be feared, but rather embraced.
In all reality, perfectionism kills our souls as well as those we shepherd. Striving for it reveals a deeper longing of the heart, one that is yelling, “Do you love me? Now do you love me?” That might sound similar to a familiar 80’s song, but it’s an honest reflection of someone trying to prove they can be what others want them to be… (fill in the blank)… A better mom. A better wife. A better man. A better son. A better boss. Better. It also assumes that person is not currently “enough.”
As a senior in high school, I was captain of the varsity volleyball team and we were headed to State. A championship was not a far-fetched goal for my team. After only one day on the court practicing, I was on a beeline to ACL surgery. I had landed stiff-legged on the ground after jumping for an outside spike. I was overcompensating, out of fear of hurting myself, and in the end, I hurt myself. Go figure. Striving and protecting ourselves often backfires. From an athletic standpoint, those who increase flexibility and take failure in stride tend to outlive the game. They develop the smaller muscles, that in turn help the larger muscles become stronger. Allowing myself to just fall to the ground could have saved my entire knee, but I was trying to catch myself and avoid looking like a fool. Looking back, I would have accepted looking like a fool over a year-long recovery and missing my senior year of volleyball. I really am not bitter…promise.
Translate that to your life. Failure is a part of living life fully. Our guest bathroom has a sign hanging, “What would you do if you could not fail?” Every time I see it, I am reminded to have courage, to keep risking. Living wholeheartedly. Loving without love in return. Investing in my children and risking in friendships. Helping couples and families reconcile when there seems like no hope. Using my gifts for a greater purpose. Diving deep into the pain of those most abused. Standing up to giants who seem like bullies, but are actually just oversized wounded people. Going scuba diving in Belize when my greatest fears are drowning, sharks and tight spaces! That’s another story…stay tuned.
Those fully living expect failures. It’s the only way to succeed long-term – in business, in ministry, in love and in life. What if you could not fail? Or better yet, what if failure was an essential ingredient to your success? Dream big! Dream bigger. Then wake up and take your first step. You have a greater purpose to fulfill and time is ticking.
