“Being successful means having a balance of success stories across many areas of life. You can’t truly be considered successful in your business life if your home life is in shambles,” said Zig Ziglar, author of best-selling books including, See you at the Top and The New Courtship after Marriage. Ziglar, a motivational speaker and salesman, understood the profound breakdown of a person’s life – when they give their best at work but leave only crumbs at home.

Marriage is one of the most difficult relationships because of the vulnerability required. Those of us who like to remain in control, in charge and looking good will be chewed up and spit out by marriage. It’s just not for the faint of heart. Some might say, why even try it? Well, research tells us that the results of a marriage well-lived are far reaching, including a longer life, less stress, healthier children and a stronger society.

I used to think, why would anyone run a marathon? Those people are crazy! Then, after meeting people of all different ages, shapes and personalities who had run marathons, I woke up one day and decided I would challenge myself to be among them. I trained for months and on a typical, cloudy Portland day, I finished my first 26.2 mile race with enough strength to stand up on the other side. I learned several things along the race course that remind me of essential ingredients needed for a thriving marriage. In these ways, marriage is like a marathon:

Training never hurts! Increasing my running, changing my diet, and learning how to run well made the marathon more enjoyable. Most people realize that you cannot just wake up and run a marathon in the same day without any sound practice and build up of the mind and body. The same is true of a great marriage.  Marriage requires intense training, on-going learning and challenging the relationship to deeper intimacy in order to thrive and make it enjoyable.

When I wanted to quit the race, I remembered the finish line. When my mind and body were yelling at me to join those on the sidelines, I envisioned the reward of crossing the finish line and how disappointed I would be in myself if I just stopped and walked away after all I had invested. Running a marathon sounded amazing when sitting on my couch, but in the middle of the 17th mile, the true test of my character was on the line. Focusing on the results of my present choices kept me moving in the right direction. This is so true of marriage. I do not know a marriage where there has not been a 17th mile. Focus on the finish, not the temporary pain of mid-race.

I needed a team of encouragers. My friend and family followed me the entire race, offering loud cheers and homemade banners to remind me of who I am and what I can do. They even gave me a banana and some water to re-fuel me at much needed points. In my final two miles, one of my friends ran with me all the way to the finish line. Couples that have encouragement — both from outside the marriage and from one another — find reasons to keep going and do the needed work to thrive and cross the finish line with a smile. And they cross it together.

Small doses of sweetness can go a long way. My only nourishment throughout the race was those bananas and some small, rainbow-colored gummy bears. Those little bears kept my energy steady and brought much needed enjoyment along the way. Marriage needs a regular dose of sweetness in order to help couples endure the rougher miles of life. Ziglar tells stories of great salesmen who continue their courtship with clients beyond the closing of a deal. It’s a way to sweeten the relationship even after you’ve made the commission and have little incentive to work for it. Marriage requires similar effort; we all benefit from on-going reminders of the original decision we made to ‘close the deal’ with our spouse on our wedding day.

Anyone can start the marriage race; sadly, few are willing to do the work necessary to finish the race with their partner. There are many contributing factors to the success of a marriage, but the marathon metaphor can be helpful in reminding us of a few: Train well, remember that there will always be consequences of your choices today, have an encouragement/support team and include regular doses of sweetness.

For those wanting more training in the race of marriage, join our 1-day and 2-day marriage retreats and workshops for a little fun, romance and a whole lot of good work. You will walk away ready to capitalize on the strengths of your relationship.