What is Betrayal Trauma? (Betrayal trauma is a reality for both genders; however for the sake of clarity, female pronouns will be used.)

In her book Intimate Deception, Sheri Keffer defines betrayal trauma as, “the act of being unfaithful to a spouse or significant other when there has been a commitment to exclusive fidelity. A violation of trust occurs when your spouse or significant other uses deception and manipulation to put more time, emotional and sexual energy or resources into another entity. This includes pornography, emotional and physical affairs, cybersex, hookups, flirting, sexting, massage parlors, prostitution, strip clubs, child pornography, sexual fetishes, cross-dressing, or undisclosed relationships with the same sex (2018).“ Regardless the type of betrayal, this kind of relational trauma undermines the committed relationship and can profoundly impact the well-being of the betrayed.

So many men I meet in my practice struggle to communicate their true feelings, and therefore, often fail to connect to their children. They often believe (mistakenly) that conforming to expectations — of stoicism, respect, relevance, being a provider, or a ‘man’s man’ — is somehow devoid of vulnerability. Because of this belief system, men find that their relationships with their children and loved ones are often defined and confined by unmet expectations and disappointment. This is not how it was intended, nor how how it needs to be. 

Terra Mattson wrote a great post as a guest blogger over at joyofit.org. The title is Living with Courage and here is the intro:   Head over to read the blog post and leave a comment!  Living with Courage by Terra Mattson

In her book The Outstanding Organization, author Karen Martin uses her 20+ years working with hundreds of successful businesses to identify four foundational elements that are present and essential in organizations that she, as an expert in the OD field, defines as outstanding. Those that make the cut as “outstanding” are only those that have “consistently delivered high value, relative to the alternatives, to stakeholders for years, if not decades.” The principles she discovered that provide the foundational framework for outstanding organizations to become just that are: clarity, focus, discipline, and engagement. In her view, these four elements are directly related to the amount of chaos an organization experiences. And, as you might have guessed, chaos is the root cause for an organizational diagnosis of anything less than outstanding.

Written by Monte Schmidt, Counselor at Living Wholehearted

Whether leading ourselves, our loved ones, a small group or an organization, most people intuitively desire to have these two powerful words describe them as a leader: humility and confidence. But how is this done? Can it be done? At first glance, these two powerful words appear to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. They seem to cancel each other out, or work against each other like a teeter-totter in motion, either being up or down but never on top at the same time.

Written by Melinda Arnold, M.A. LPC, Certified Sex Therapist

Sexuality is a topic that comes up frequently in counseling. It is a subject that touches each of us, though I have found that understanding what “healthy sexuality” is continues to elude most individuals. Discussing the subject often becomes a conversation about what is not healthy and can become a shame-fueled list of “do”s and “don’t”s. Limiting our understanding of sexuality to a list of morally acceptable behaviors does not adequately describe what “healthy” is, let alone what “sexuality” is.

Co-Founder Terra Mattson has written a great article on trust on the MyCourageousGirls.com website. Courageous Girls is a curriculum that Terra has developed to “help moms discover their own courage in raising a daughter who knows herself as LOVED”

I am practicing the discipline of being unhurried (insert long sigh here).

After launching a counseling and organizational business with my husband, managing a private practice and a team of ten practitioners, starting Courageous Girls, publishing my first book, raising two girls, living life-on-life with our community and church, carpooling, doing laundry, laundry, laundry and squeezing in a date here and there, I had just about come to the point where all I needed was a partridge in a pear tree. But then, I had an awakening; I realized I needed to return to the days of margin, the days of saying “no-thank you” and breathing a little deeper as I wait for the next thing on my calendar (instead of tripping on my shoes and running into the wall on my way out the door).