When you think about the holidays, what is your first reaction? Take a second and take notice. Where do your thoughts go? What happens to your body? Do you feel excited? Happy? Overwhelmed? Sad? Anxious? Perhaps you feel all of these emotions? If so, you are normal! 

You may have heard us say that if you have a following, you are a leader. That means whether you are a mom, a pastor, or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, you are a leader, and how you lead matters. Listening is one key strategy that helps leaders live with integrity. Many people assume they are great listeners. It’s a skill set we know is important, yet fail to practice. Despite optimistic beliefs about our own listening skills, it’s true that we often find ourselves lacking in the practical application of it during times we need it most: comforting a hurting child, addressing conflict in marriage, working out a misunderstanding with a friend, or navigating personality differences at work.

What is Betrayal Trauma? (Betrayal trauma is a reality for both genders; however for the sake of clarity, female pronouns will be used.)

In her book Intimate Deception, Sheri Keffer defines betrayal trauma as, “the act of being unfaithful to a spouse or significant other when there has been a commitment to exclusive fidelity. A violation of trust occurs when your spouse or significant other uses deception and manipulation to put more time, emotional and sexual energy or resources into another entity. This includes pornography, emotional and physical affairs, cybersex, hookups, flirting, sexting, massage parlors, prostitution, strip clubs, child pornography, sexual fetishes, cross-dressing, or undisclosed relationships with the same sex (2018).“ Regardless the type of betrayal, this kind of relational trauma undermines the committed relationship and can profoundly impact the well-being of the betrayed.

So many men I meet in my practice struggle to communicate their true feelings, and therefore, often fail to connect to their children. They often believe (mistakenly) that conforming to expectations — of stoicism, respect, relevance, being a provider, or a ‘man’s man’ — is somehow devoid of vulnerability. Because of this belief system, men find that their relationships with their children and loved ones are often defined and confined by unmet expectations and disappointment. This is not how it was intended, nor how how it needs to be. 

Terra Mattson wrote a great post as a guest blogger over at joyofit.org. The title is Living with Courage and here is the intro:   Head over to read the blog post and leave a comment!  Living with Courage by Terra Mattson

In her book The Outstanding Organization, author Karen Martin uses her 20+ years working with hundreds of successful businesses to identify four foundational elements that are present and essential in organizations that she, as an expert in the OD field, defines as outstanding. Those that make the cut as “outstanding” are only those that have “consistently delivered high value, relative to the alternatives, to stakeholders for years, if not decades.” The principles she discovered that provide the foundational framework for outstanding organizations to become just that are: clarity, focus, discipline, and engagement. In her view, these four elements are directly related to the amount of chaos an organization experiences. And, as you might have guessed, chaos is the root cause for an organizational diagnosis of anything less than outstanding.

Written by Monte Schmidt, Counselor at Living Wholehearted

Whether leading ourselves, our loved ones, a small group or an organization, most people intuitively desire to have these two powerful words describe them as a leader: humility and confidence. But how is this done? Can it be done? At first glance, these two powerful words appear to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. They seem to cancel each other out, or work against each other like a teeter-totter in motion, either being up or down but never on top at the same time.

Written by Melinda Arnold, M.A. LPC, Certified Sex Therapist

Sexuality is a topic that comes up frequently in counseling. It is a subject that touches each of us, though I have found that understanding what “healthy sexuality” is continues to elude most individuals. Discussing the subject often becomes a conversation about what is not healthy and can become a shame-fueled list of “do”s and “don’t”s. Limiting our understanding of sexuality to a list of morally acceptable behaviors does not adequately describe what “healthy” is, let alone what “sexuality” is.