Spouses of Sexual Addiction & PTSD

He told her he would not look at porn once they were married. She believed him. Ten years later, she worried about the late nights at work. Finding texts from another woman sent her spiraling and from that point, nothing would be the same. This story strikes a painful chord for many spouses of sex addicts. The disclosure of hidden behaviors acts as a punch in the gut with each new reveal. As I sit with spouses of sexual betrayal and addiction, the symptoms they experience mirror those of abuse survivors because of the very nature of addiction.

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The Present of being Present

Can you picture it?
The waves crash lightly as they rhythmically come in and out. The smell of sea air with it’s slight aroma of seaweed and salted perfume sifting through your nose. The grit of the sand wiggling in-between toes as you walk the length of the beach. With each deep breath, you notice the color palette of the setting sun painted with peach, pinks, and reds along the skyline. Stretched out cotton balls are gently placed along the horizon as far as the eye can see. The warmth of the air mixed with a tempered breeze lightens your load with every brush across the face.

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An Uncommon Man

The other day I attended the funeral of a friend.  I met Billy over a decade ago on a fly fishing trip on the Deschutes River in Oregon.  At that time, he was in his late seventies and looked like a small version of who I imagine Moses to look like.  He had a big white beard and calloused hands that were a dead giveaway of a lifetime of getting stuff done!  He was kind-hearted and took an immediate interest in getting to know me among the other men in the group. 

 Needless to say, we hit it off pretty quick as I realized I was in the presence of an uncommon man. 

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BEAUTIFUL MESS

One of my favorite mom moments recently was hearing my husband walk through the door and say, “Did you plan on Nevie and Laney playing in the mud?” “Well…” I thought, “I did say they could do some puddle jumping.” To my utter surprise and only 20 minutes to spare before Laney needed to be home for her family dinner, I walked outside to find the two girls in full glee. Covered from head-to-toe in mud and no shoes, they were literally dancing in the rain. Leave it to my eight year-old free spirit who loves creating memories and her dear friend, Laney, who is up for anything to make a profound point. I had to capture their moment. Two friends, hugging and loving each other, IN ALL THEIR MESS!

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Shrinking the Integrity Gap: Help for the Helpers

After a full day of seeing clients, I am left with one of two feelings: incredible hope or incredible sadness. Once in a while you might find me ranting in anger about the hardships of this world or singing God’s praises as I get to witness His miraculous work in the lives of my clients as we navigate messy, dark, and many times what seems to be hopeless circumstances.
Being a helper of any kind is truly sacred work. We sit in the confidential places where secrets that have never been shared are brought into the light, memories once pushed deep aside finally surface, and gold plated masks are laid to rest. Unfortunately, though our training and skill-sets may help us enter into these places, our humanity is not exempt from the impact of venturing into the trenches of such pain and sorrow.

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Four Simple Ingredients In Lasting LOVE

Valentine’s Day has come and gone. The chocolate has all been eaten and the flowers have faded and dropped their petals. 
Life continues as everything around us turns from shades of red and pink to a vibrant green as we anticipate the celebration of an Irish Saint. But before we move on, let’s stop and remember the essence of what Love truly is.  

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Fresh Starts Can Happen

Let me brag for one moment…I cleaned my house yesterday! I put away my Christmas decor and the piles of beautiful Christmas cards. I did lots of laundry after two weeks of traveling and snow days. I put some “old” things into bags for donations, for friends, and organized my “hidden” closets. Now, for reality. I don’t like to clean. I am not the kind who delights in organizing my home and I admire those who do. It’s a gift you bring to the world. In fact, I try to borrow a little of those gifts from my ten-year-old daughter at times, but I think she has caught onto my free “child labor” techniques.

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Tears of Healing

Leaders regularly come into our counseling and coaching offices depressed, burned out, anxious, angry, or leaking behaviors they are not proud of, and they just want it fixed. The reality for many is that things cannot get fixed unless we connect emotionally to the…

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